Personal Aftermath of reading Back to the Wild

[Magic_Don]

OK, maybe a bit bad sounding title, didn't mean it to be!

So, I finished the book earlier today. To actually see what Chris wrote, his mindset, and insight into the way life is for almost everyone out there, especially Americans, has left me with more angst over my own life than the movie, or book before this!

Ever since my, let's call it, reawakening I've felt more and more disassociated with what life is "supposed" to be.

As we all grow up we want to be something, even if it changes weekly. Fireman, policeman, astronaut, or something more feasible. Business owner, teacher, even truck drivers, what have you.

My problem is, I never really had anything passed the not-so-realistic (for me) dreams.

Growing up, it was a baseball player. Eventually, a professional wrestler (which, as of this year I actually got involved with, to a limited extent, not in the ring) astronomer. Now, as far as the sporting ones, I'm not very athletic, and don't really care to be, especially now, in my early 30's. It's not my mentality.

I didn't really go to college, for that same reason. I found out astronomy had more to do with calculations, and things that were far from what I dreamt of. I wasn't about to waste what little money I ever have on something I did not care about. Through all my researching, seeing what was available, nothing ever even gave me a hint of "yeah, that's what I want to do til I retire!" not even for the next 5-10 years!

So, I've had mostly crap retail jobs for the better part of the millennia. My current job, at which I am employed full time and have been for 3+ years, I have been with a couple months shy of 6 years now. My longest job by far.

The problem is, with what I make, being full time, I barely live, if you call my life living. I live in Southern California, a place where it's quite pricey to even rent a run down hell hole. So much so, I still live in my grandparents house. Although they have both passed, I live with my eldest brother (who, in his 40's, has never left home) and my mom (who, in her 60's lived with her parents most of her life)

My only real bills are rent ($200 a month) my mobile phone ($55ish) my car (the big one at $16 + $65-$70 for insurance) plus i have two credit card, which don't put me back too much. But, even with that, plus gas and food, I rarely have any money for life. Can't go to amusement parks, have to watch my gas usage more often than I'd like.

As it stands with my job, I work 5 days a week, as most people do. Never having one, solitary weekend off unless I've requested it, which means I already have plans made out. So, it's rare that I can just set off for a weekend / 2 day adventure anywhere. My days off are very, very rarely ever back to back (only happened once this year) So, in my mind, except for a week vacation here and there, and a leave of absence I took (directly related to my discovery of the story, plus some personal issues I was already dealing with) I've worked, with no real set breaks for the entirety of my current run.

I currently have no path. No real goals, other than to be happy. With no idea how to get that, or what it truly means to me (I have an idea or two of things/circumstances that would improve my life greatly) I am trapped, not in the wild, but in the every day prisons so many of us are in. Only, I am one who sees it for that. My job is really pointless, not helping anyone, or anything. Just another global distributor of goods we may like, but rarely need. No one I know gets this, just thinking I'm always a "downer" or "depressed"

I know one thing I need to do, is leave here. There is nothing for me, and I hate the Summers here. Winters are only better cause the cooler temps. I just don't know if a journey like Chris' is just another one of those dreams I'd never do, because it's not really for me, and may be harder than I want. Or, if what I'm looking for is somewhere in between.

I don't necessarily dream of living any kind of tramp lifestyle. Possibly something a little more stable, cause I'm not very well versed in surviving without a supermarket or a fast food place around. lol. But I do love the tranquility that nature gives, even in this concrete jungle, we do have a good handful of those to seek out, until someone thoughtlessly burns them down.

What I see through Chris' story, that is almost a dream of mine. Is the love. The affection so many had for him. I think my dream would be to wander a bit, until I found a new home. I have a small town heart, that just doesn't get this big city appeal anymore. My grandparents were born and raised in Minnesota until they moved out here. I think they instill that in me, since they were more involved in my raising and morality.

I don't distrust all people. I love being around great company. For the last 3 years, give or take, most everything I've done has been solo. I've gone to Yosemite, alone. Sequoia by myself. Even just day hikes are always alone. But you know what? Anyone I've had a brief encounter with on a trail, near a waterfall, have never once been rude to me. Mean, or just a dick in anyway. I love that! Other than tired, no one ever seemed upset, mad at their boss, worried about money.

So, after reading the book, it has almost spiked the exact same angst that I felt after watching the movie, and the weeks following.

In closing. I just wish I had someone in my life who felt the same way, and I could just call up and say "Let's do this, let's go, let's live life" and then the plan starts in motion.

[JesusIsLove777]

i admire you brother, you have a passionate spirit that wants to see change. i didnt read back to the wild, but i know what its about.. i think you should definitely get up and go.. and i know that sounds a little daunting at first, but i'm SURE you will love the freedom of just quitting and hitting the road.. it is more common than you think to meet travelers on the road and people see you walking around with everything on your back, they'll respond to that and sometimes conversation sparks up!

SO yeah, God bless you man, i pray you find what you're looking for. it's hard to find people who want to actually LIVE life, not get bogged down by routine and money.. so yeah don't let fear get to you, just pray for strength, courage, and purpose.. God WILL guide you.

So yeah brother, just test the waters and see what happens; let it be an Adventure!

(and if you want to go with someone, theres plenty of people on here who would love to join you )

Jah bless

[Magic_Don]

It's funny, I've only been on here for a couple weeks, an wish we all lived near each other.

It's funny, cause everyday I go into work, it's almost to the point of physically hurting me it's such a drag on my soul now.

I've been in the process of selling some of my things that I don't need/use, to earn some extra cash.

My biggest fear, for lack of better term, is that I have always been the responsible one, to a fault. I have a car that I'm paying off, along with just the regular bills. I think I'd feel bad just leaving the car, and having it repo'd at some point. There should really be a way to return it, without owing thousands of dollars.

Either way, I think this is where my life is pointing to. I've tried my best to listen to the universe, and not force myself into everything like in the past.

I will say, if there is anyone else up for it, even if they only join in for the first bit of time, let's get to talking! Haha. I feel I'm pretty smart, and know I can be crafty if a situation arises. I really just want to be reborn into someone better, and more deserving of life.

[JesusIsLove777]

dude just give all the pain and desperation over to God; i hated God most of my life and He has flipped it into a 180... i now live for Jesus, something i NEVER thought would happen. He has made me alive and alive with true purpose... His love is all I'm living for and its amazingly real brother.

i oppose religion. it is a huge scam and brainwashes you.. but a relationship with Jesus is the realest thing in THIS life love you

[Magic_Don]

I fully agree with you there. I take no issue with people who need religion, I'm the kinda guy who doesn't put much on that. Some people need a church, temple, etc while some need money, or whatever to aide them.

I'm not fully sure what I believe. I can't say, for sure, that I am here for any higher purpose, or, just making me a better person, and others in by example. But I am really starting to feel it.

I think it's funny. In my darkest hours, I found the movie. I originally downloaded it, since I had seen some of it at work, and was interested.

That led me to buying the deluxe DVD, which led to the book, the blu ray, and the newest book (and DVD when it's available)

Not many people I know get it, and I don't fault them for that. Chris' story can be polarizing, if you really look into it, and I fault no one for thinking he was an idiot.

He did what we all should, maybe to a more extreme extent, but, this is how I see it.

As of now, I have been "alive" for 32 years.. 33 in December. I fully believe Chris lived more in his 2 years on the road, than I have in all 32 of mine, at home.

If I do decide to follow the path, wherever it takes me, for how ever long it takes me, I will do it with my full self. I have wussed out on so many things before, due to frustration. But, I also had nothing on the line. If I failed, or, got annoyed, well, home was right there.

Here is what I rarely say, because no one takes it the way I mean it.

If I were to head out, to be free, to experience all that we have, and never look at. I am fully aware, and prepared for death, if it comes. I would rather live free for 6 months, and die free, than to live, as I am, for another 30 and hate my existence.

The only definite I can say, is that I am not going anywhere until after September 29th, at the earliest. .. I have tickets to see my favorite band in concert. lol

[JesusIsLove777]

well good luck with your journey bro

[ladyandtramp]

My biggest fear, for lack of better term, is that I have always been the responsible one, to a fault.

There is nothing wrong with being responsable! There are such things as personal boundaries, or treating others and yourself with respect, and so on. This, in my opinion, is healthy. The other side of the coin is when you let yourself be ruled by the rules of society, to the point where it holds back your true being! Hope you get what I'm trying to say here.

I found your story interesting, and hope you'll get to live your big adventure! Sounds like you may be ready for a change.

[Magic_Don]

It's still a daily struggle to figure myself out, because at the end of the day, it's a huge thing to just up and leave. Baby steps I suppose.

I am actually on vacation from work starting August 11th until the 30th. So, I'm planning on trying to live out in the nearby forests for a couple weeks, if I can do it. See how that goes, gauge myself a little bit, and get some good thinkin time in. haha.

[vergeetmenietje]

I just wish I had someone in my life who felt the same way, and I could just call up and say "Let's do this, let's go, let's live life" and then the plan starts in motion.

Yeah, I really know what you mean... I often wish there was someone I could just talk to, do stuff with.
The best of luck with your journey. I hope you find what your looking for.